Chips vs Pringles

Hope all is well with my friends today...

All is the same on the marriage front so no need to post anything about that...

I have missed the opportunity to see Creed on 3 separate occasions - So bummed...

My Cowboys lost last night in the last 4 seconds of the game - So bummed...

I did something abnormal for me and got a little plastered on Friday night...

I drank to many kamikazes but had a really fun time...

I have been sitting home for the last 10 weeks pining away for a man who obviously doesn't want me and it was time to go out and let my hair down...

I went out with my Mom and Sister and met up with some friends...

I need some real life friends and I need to get a life though alcohol shouldn't be involved in that...

I went out Saturday however limited my drinking this time...

I went to Church Sunday...

I am now at work...

You are probably wondering why there is a bag of chips and a can of Pringles on my blog...

Well I am about to tell you...

The sermon at Church yesterday was about checking your ego...

I learned that your ego will get in the way of your real relationship with God...

I learned that your ego will stand in the way of your learning...

I learned that your ego brings about fear and shame...

I learned my ego is to big and it isn't always about "me"...

I learned "letting go" is so much easier said then done...

I also learned I want to be like a can of Pringles and not a bag of chips.

As told by my Pastor...

People are either like a bag of potato chips or they are like a can of Pringles...

Being a believer then you would be a can of Pringles...

Being a non-believer then you would be a bag of chips...

As a non-believer, (therefore a bag of chips), you are mostly full of air when opened or confronted...

There is some substance in there however not much...

If you take a bag of chips and repeatedly throw it against the wall, the contents will break apart and crumble...

Same with your life and the hell you may be going through...

It will break you apart and crumble you...



As a believer, (therefore a can of Pringles), you are full of the Holy Spirit...

No matter which end is opened, it is completely full...

You can repeatedly throw a can against the wall and the contents will still be fine upon opening...

Same with your life and the hell you may be going through...

You are protected by angels and you can't break...

I want to be the can of Pringles...

I want to know that no matter what I encounter in life, I will be encased by angels who will protect me...

It is very hard for me to let this take over completely because of the hurt I have experienced in the last few months...

I have been doing a lot of thinking and soul-searching and while my beliefs in divorce haven't changed, what I want in a relationship has...

I want a man who isn't ashamed to announce his love to me no matter where the place...

I want a man who will hold me when I cry and isn't ashamed to shed a few tears either...

I want a man who is affectionate, one who doesn't walk ahead of me in public, one who is right beside me holding my hand...

I want a man who will fight for what he believes in and not run at the first sign of trouble...

I want a man who can laugh at life and enjoys life to the fullest...

I want a man who will go to the alter with me and kneel by my side in prayer...

I want a little romance, not just some flowers here and there but true romance, a walk on the beach at night, lying by the fireplace in the nude, dancing in the rain etc...

I want a man who will hold my face, look into my eyes and then kiss me like I am the first and last person he will ever lay eyes on again and that he is ok with that...

I want to know I am the only woman for him and I want him to know he is the only man for me...

I want to be complete in our love, I just don't know if the man I married is that man anymore...

Maybe I have been settling for silver when God is trying to give me gold.

MICHAEL W. SMITH
Sometimes The Journey Makes You Weary
Feels Like A Long & Winding Road
Sometimes This Life Can Lose It's Meaning
But You Might Be Surprised To Find Some Hope
Maybe You're Wondering Where Love Is
You May Feel It's Far Away From Here
Maybe You're Wondering Where I Am
You Might Be Surprised To Find I'm Near

I Can Do Bad...

All By Myself...

I saw this movie on Friday...

I have seen all of Tyler Perry's movies and I have never been disappointed...

This one is my favorite hands down...

All of his movies deliver a fantastic message and I never leave the theater without crying as well as laughing...

Plus who doesn't love Madea?

This one hit to close to home and I am not ashamed to say I did cry... A lot

Mary J. Blige sang the title song and it was beautiful...

I will not give anything away however I will say if you do see it, and I think everyone should see it, pay special attention to the Church scene, pay special attention to the Pastor...

Seeing that will show you why I feel the way I do about my Pastor...

Pastor Marvin Winans is the man you see preaching/singing...

To me, I felt like it was a Sunday and I was truly in Church...

That is just like my Pastor...

If you have the time, go see it...

You won't be disappointed.

MARVIN WINANS
But I Learned That I Could Cope
I Discovered I Could Make It
In Nights So Long And Cold
So Cold, You Don't Know How Cold
I Learned That I Could Take It
Now I Wouldn't Change A Thing
Not For The Knowledge
Not For The Knowledge That I've Gained

My Pastor & The Gumball

The things going on in my life aren't easy...

Not easy to accept, not easy to let go of...

As you know, I receive words of wisdom from my Pastor...

I want to share a little of him with you...

Before I walked into this Church, I hadn't been to a service in over 20 years...

Based on my past, I turned away from God, didn't need nor want anything from Him...

I met a woman at my other job one day...

She invited me to Church and would later tell me she has never seen anyone more suicidal then I was that day she met me - Little did she know that about a month and a half later I would indeed contemplate it, I would make up my mind to do it, I had everything planned out and my Pastor would be the one to save me from myself...

It would be a couple of weeks before I accepted her invitation and actually would show up...

Before walking into the Church, I sat in the parking lot for awhile, going back and forth in my mind...

Should I go or should I stay?

I went in and from that moment, I felt like I went home...

I have met so many wonderful people who are so kind but none more so then my Pastor...

This man has literally been on his knees for me...

He has seen me completely broken, my soul shattered, my faith nonexistent, days where I couldn't even look him in the eye because I was so ashamed of what my life had become...

He has seen me crying so hard that I couldn't even talk and he in turn gets on his knees and prays for me because I can't pray for myself...

He has had questions thrown at him by me, questions he certainly can't answer and yet he still tries...

Questions such as "When did I stop being good enough?", "Why is all this happening?", "When is enough, really enough?" , "What kind of woman sits around waiting for her husband while he is out banging someone else, living with someone else, having a life with someone else?"

The answer to the last question is something I will never, ever forget - His answer rings in my head to this day - "A good one".

He tries so hard to make sure I am comfortable, calm and doing good...

He makes sure I continue to put one foot in front of the other without faltering/without falling...

He cares about me just because - Read that once again - Just Because...

He is so kind and compassionate and loving however he can also be harsh (tough-love he calls it) when he feels you may need it...

He has a smile that lights up a room and very kind eyes...

He carries a lot on his shoulders yet doesn't complain, they just seem to grow a little bigger by the week...

He does a lot for the community however always has time for his congregation...

No matter how busy he is, he always has time for me...

It may be a phone call or email just to see how I am or a moment after Church...

He has seen tension in my face even when I feel I am hiding it better and I in turn see nothing but compassion in his face when he is talking to me...

I search for pity when he doesn't know I am looking and there is none, just tenderness and compassion...

He is the perfect example of how I want to be...

God-fearing, kind to all, caring to all and putting everyone else above his own needs but nobody before God...

He wants nothing from me but peace...

Not a thing...

That has been the hardest thing for me to accept...

He does what he does from the goodness of his own heart and asks for nothing in return...

He knows what has been going on...

From day one I trusted him 100% and knew I could tell him anything without judgement...

He knows more about me then anyone on this earth, that is how much faith I have in him, that is how much I trust him...

And he hasn't disappointed me...

Recently I have had some church members tell me not to put any faith in him, he has been bad-mouthed from some of his own congregation and I don't think he has a clue what is said about him behind his back...

I don't put any stock in that, I find it very unfair, very disrespectful and very unchristian like to speak ill of the leader of your own Church just because you knew him before he became a Pastor...

Each and every one of us makes mistakes, him included and to hold past mistakes against him today is a shame and it won't do any good to anyone...

What would you do if people held all your past mistakes against you and continued to judge you for things that have already been said and done?

I will not ever listen to anyone badmouth him and I will tell you right now if you happen to be reading this and you do happen to know which Church I go to and which Pastor I am speaking of, and you are one of the ones who have pulled me to the side to "let me know some things", you should be ashamed of yourself...

That man is our leader, he is a wonderful human being with a heart of gold and he has never been anything but kind to me...

What you say to me will not change my mind so keep it to yourself...

I would suggest you find your way to the alter and ask God to forgive you for the way you treat our Pastor when you are face to face to him and then when his back is turned...

Somewhere in me knows no matter what time, if I called, he would be right there...

I am just not sure why there are some people are trying to take that away?

He is a phenomenal speaker and I could listen to him 24/7...

I have always wondered after listening to him preach, if he was speaking directly to me...

It seemed each and every sermon was sprinkled with some message I could take away and apply to myself and my situation...

He knew what I needed to hear, God gave him the words...

The first few sermons were heartbreaking to hear...

There was not a Sunday that I didn't leave there crying...

There was not a Sunday that didn't go by that I went up the alter begging God to please help me leave it there because I just couldn't face another second, another minute, another day, another week with all the burdens piling on...

I have asked my Pastor how to leave it there because quite frankly I don't have a clue...

As the Sundays have gone on, the message has become more clearer to me, however since I am a bit dense, it took awhile before I would get "it"...

Yesterday was the day I finally got "it" and "it" came in the form of a gumball and letting go...

(There was a man on the steps waiting for the Pastor yesterday before Church, he told him the following story...Not word for word but you will get the idea)

A little boy had his hand stuck in a gumball machine and couldn't get it out...
His Mother tried, the store manager tried, the police, fire department and the
ambulance were all called to no avail...
No matter how hard these people tried, the little boys' hand would not come out...
Off on the side of all the commotion was an older gentleman...
He had been sitting there watching all this transpire and went over to speak to the little boy.
He asked him if he had a gumball in his hand, the little boy said "yes"...
So he told the little boy if he let go of the gumball, he would give him two gumballs...
The little boy said "Really"?
Yes says the older gentleman...
Once the little boy released the gumball, his hand came out...

God wants us to let go of the gumball so says the Pastor -

Then and only then, did I finally get what he has been trying to teach me these past few weeks...

Last night, I finally released the whole gumball...

MICHAEL W. SMITH
He Worked The Soul, Like He Worked The Land
He Spoke In Ways That Anyone Could Understand
Simple Words Of Simple Faith And
When It Came To Love, He Would Go Out Of His Way
A Helping Hand, A Soothing Chat And
He Practiced What He Preached - Imagine That

Sprit of Fear

According to the Bible, there are two types of fear; One is good and the other is not. The good one is fearing God, in fact is it encouraged. The bad fear is not beneficial to us at all. This is the "Spirit of Fear". Sometimes we are afraid, sometimes we allow this "spirit of fear" to overcome us. In order for us to overcome this, we have to put our trust and love in God completely. His perfect love will drive the fear out.

I am guilty of the bad fear more then the good fear and I will admit that. I am terrified of a lot of things, mostly I am afraid of failing. Failing my boys, failing myself, failing God, failing my family etc...
As you know I was recently booted out of my brothers' house and as of this past Saturday we are living with my parents. Not an ideal situation however I am trying to make the best with what I have.

As Church finished on Sunday, I waited behind to speak with my Pastor, he knelt with me in prayer and when we were done, he said something that I wasn't expecting in a million years. "We (his wife and him) have a place you can stay at until you can get back on your feet".

I was to stunned to speak, I never even asked where the place was located, how big it was, how much etc...
Nothing came out of my mouth because I am not used to anyone offering something without wanting anything in return. I just stood there in tears. He said don't answer now, take some time to think about it and pray on it.

So I thought about it on Sunday as well as yesterday and that is when the fear set in. You see I have never lived on my own EVER. I have been married since I was 18 years old. I have never even eaten in a restaurant by myself. The burning question came back to haunt me - What if I fail?

The Bible says courage must be grounded in the strength of the Lord.

In order to move onto the next chapter of my life, I need courage.

Courage to stand on my own two feet.
Courage to do what is best for my boys regardless of what anyone else thinks "I should be doing".

Courage to swallow my fear and turn my face upwards for my strength. The strength to make some very difficult decisions for my life, what I feel God wants from me and for my boys.

I try not to take a single step without first turning inwards and "feeling" if that is the correct step I need to be taking. That is the only way I make it through the day.

Believe in yourself - Sprinkled throughout the Bible are different verses telling you to believe in yourself. I have never believed in myself so this is a new journey for me to travel.

I have had people believe in me however I second guess each and everything I do, say, think etc...I need to stop that type of thinking. It is detrimental to my healing. I have to learn to believe in me.

Believe in the choices I have made, believe in other people and the fact that not all of them are out to "get me", believe that the road I am on is the exact place He wants me to be right now.

Prayer is heavily enforced in the Bible. It is a form of communication with God and to be honest, there are days I speak more to Him then anyone else.

Prayer helps us to grow closer and more intimate with God. Think of Him as a friend you are having a conversation with.

I pray sometimes morning, noon and night. I pray in my car, the bathroom, my bed, at work etc...Wherever I am at that time and I need to rid myself of things, I pray.

I still go to the Alter on Sunday and there are still some Sundays when I am leaving more tears then prayers, however my Pastor says there is no better place to leave my tears.

Leave them with God. He knows what they are for and why they are there.

The spiritual war that has raged in me for so long is finally over.

I have found the light I have been searching for.

He is the light in my darkness.

His book says so.

1 John 1:5 " This is the message which we have heard from Him and announce to you, that God is light, and in Him is no darkness at all".

JOSH GROBAN

Believe In What You Feel Inside

And Give Your Dreams The Wings To Fly

You Have Everything You Need

If You Just Believe

Through The Emotions

Being bi-polar is ok on most days and other days it just sucks...Emotions run rampant through my body...Thoughts are all over the place...Just like a raging sea...Crashing into my mind yet not able to "catch" any of the thoughts...When I started this blog, I was a complete mess...Emotionally, mentally etc...I personally am proud of how far I have come from my first post and I was wondering today - Where would I be if all this had happened about a year ago?

Then life happened...Things I had no control over were taken from me...Things I never thought could happen to me - Happened....I didn't falter...My emotions were as calm as still waters...I made choices and never wavered...No matter what anyone said to me, I stood by my choices...Life continued to happen and I just adjusted my sails to continue on the course I chose...

Now I have days that are peaceful as well as stormy however I also have something I didn't know I had before...A promise - Just like Noah received - that He will not leave me - No matter what - He is right beside me...He knows how I feel inside, He knows the torment I feel on some days, He knows the joy that is finding its way back into my life, He knows when I lie down to sleep at night how many tears fall on my pillow, He knows my hearts greatest desire, He will never forsake me no matter what...Ponder that last line - He will NEVER forsake you nor me - NO MATTER WHAT...Regardless of what you may be going through right now in your life, He is right beside you...Waiting for you to turn to Him and let Him take care of it.

STAIND

Believe In Me

This Life's Not Always What It Seems To Be

Believe In Me

Cause I Was Made For Chasing Dreams