Doors

I have always been told when one door closes, another will open...


I have had numerous doors close around me recently...


Doors I can painfully hear slamming around me...


We all have heartache in our lives some more so then others, however that doesn't make yours less or more then mine...


It is how we choose to deal within that heartache, a lesson I have just recently learned...


The first few months of this mess were spent basically in my own "fog"...


I didn't eat, sleep or live the way I should have...


I lost a lot of weight rather quickly and am just now getting my appetite back...


I am finally able to sleep through the night again...


I took back my old job and have been actually doing work instead of playing online most of the day...

The door for the fog to leave is now open...

I look forward to each day with a prayer thanking Him for allowing me to have one more day of life...


I end each night thanking Him for all the good as well as the bad in my life...


Yes I said the bad...


In order for me to be where I am right now, all of this had to happen...


I have had to do some intense soul-searching...


I needed to find the person I am as well as what I wanted...


Do you know what I found out?


When most people would take the easy way out, I made a very difficult choice to stand by and put my faith in His hands...


In one of the most darkest moments of my life, I chose to rise out of the ashes of an old, dead marriage in the hopes of a new, stronger, better one then ever before...


I have severed ties with people who are downers...


I need to surround myself with people who have a positive mental attitude...


It is very hard to "be" someone for so long and then to do a complete 180 to become a different person...


I shouldn't say different but the changes I have made are for me and my self worth...


So I am a different person then I was a few months ago...


For the most part, I like the "new me"...


I feel like I am a better mother, friend, person etc...


I have more patience then I have ever had in my life...


I take nothing for granted...


I slow down more then I ever have before...


I forgive and move on, no longer holding onto any grudges...


There are 2 certain things I wish I could have back, however I know and accept I will never have them back...


Blind trust and blind faith in people...


I have to be cautious when meeting new people and I have found I am more cautious even with people I have known for a long time...


Not to say this is a bad thing, it is just something new to me...


So yes while there have been doors closing all around me, there have been others thrown wide open and I am embracing walking through these new doors...


My BF Gracie sent me a comment on my previous post and I will leave you with the words she sent to me...


Perfect words I have written in my book that I always carry with me now...


JOB 23:8-10
But if I go the East, He is not there;
If I got to the West, I do not find Him;
When He is at work in the North, I do not see Him;
When He turns to the South, I catch no glimpse of Him.
But He knows the way that I take;
When He tested me, I will come forth as gold.

Moving...Again

I am moving yet once again and I am getting sick and tired of my kids & I being thrown away like garbage...

My brother has given us until the end of the week to get out of his house because he wants "normalcy" ...

WTF? Me personally would never in a million years put my own selfishness above my family...

I would never kick anyone when they are down but that is just me...

I know we are all different people however it amazes me that the 3 of us were all raised in the same household, by the same parents and we are so totally different in almost every aspect...

After we had it out last night, I cried myself to sleep wondering what in all that is Holy did I do to deserve all of this...

I am told we are never given more then we can handle...

I believe that however I have had about enough and I don't want to handle anymore...

I want my family and life back but for some reason, it just isn't happening...

Some days I wonder if I am being punished for my past however I know that God doesn't work that way...

It saddens me that I treat people the way I want to be treated yet I can't catch a break where my family is concerned...

SEETHER
So Break Me Down If It Makes You Feel Right
And Hate Me Now If It Keeps You All Right
You Can't Break Me Down If It Takes All Your Might
'Cause I'm So Much More Then Meets The Eye

14 Days From Today

September 13, 2009 is opening day for the NFL...

You may not know this about me however I am a HUGE football fan - Most specifically I am a Dallas Cowboys fan and I am not ashamed to admit it...

Can't stand the owner - I think his head is to big and he seems to do more damage then anything...

Can't stand our quarterback - He chokes in crunch time and I don't see him ever getting past this...

Can't stand that we got rid of T.O. - I think I am one of the few fans that actually liked him...

Can't stand the "Billion Dollar Stadium" - Think of all the people who could have been helped with that kind of money...

Yes there are things about my team that I can't stand however the good always outweighs the bad...

There is nothing like watching your team come onto the field before a game starts...

The excitement of a football game is contagious...

In your living room or in a sports bar or at a friends house or in person...

The boos, the yelling, the groans, the cheers and yes sometimes even tears...

To much eating, to much drinking and sometimes to much fighting...

There are no words...

You are either a NFL football fan or you are not...

There is no in-between...

Now if you are a true football fan and you are a female - Let me give you a bit of advice...

I don't give 2 hoots about which team you root for however - Do Not - Let me repeat that - DO NOT ever wear a team jersey in any other color then your team color...

Cowboy fan? Then you wear blue & silver...

Bronco fan? Then you wear blue & orange...

Packers fan? Then you wear green & yellow...

Raiders fan? Then you wear black & silver...

Get my drift? All the teams have their own colors - You wear the teams colors...

Do not show up anywhere near me wearing a team jersey that is PINK...

Randomness

A lot of things go on in all of our lives on a day to day basis...

Did you ever stop to think why?

Why is it that on a day I need to be up on time, I oversleep by 40 minutes?

Why is it that on the day my kids want to eat cereal (which they never eat), I am always out of milk?

Why is it that there are still homeless and hungry people, children being beaten, abandoned and killed, violence in all corners of the world however Jon & Kate are bigger news then this?

Why are there so many reality shows on TV these days? Are we really that hard up that we can't enjoy our own lives so we have to voyeur into other peoples' lives?

Why is it that no matter how careful I am, I will snag my pantyhose when I am trying to put them on before church on Sunday?

Why do I always get my monthly friend at the most inopportune time with no warning as well as no provisions?

Why is it on a day when your makeup is perfect, hair is rockin, outfit is hot and you actually for once feel good about yourself you will never run into anyone you know?

Why is it that companies can make elastic tight enough to squeeze the life out of your stomach yet the elastic in your panties only lasts about 2 months?

Why do spaghetti o's, ravioli etc...(the microwave kind) smell like vomit?

Why is the "bad food" always cheaper then the food that is "good" for you?

These are just random things I think about every once in awhile as I try to slow down everyday and just see the moment at hand...

Just enjoy that snippet in time without fear, worry, anxiety...

It is actually a good thing if I can keep remembering to do it...

Do you ever truly slow down to just enjoy the moment at hand?

I know you are all busy but take a minute or just a few seconds and look around you as you read this...

Take a deep breath and focus...

It could be a picture sitting on your desk from a long ago vacation...

A tree outside that is in full bloom or maybe the leaves are starting to change colors...

It could be a smell that reaches you as you focus...

Maybe someone is making popcorn at this moment or heating up a bowl of soup...

Focus on something that makes you smile...

Breathe...

Now hug yourself and have a wonderful day!

Don't forget to take the time out of your busy day to find joy in your life...

U2
It's A Beautiful Day
Don't Let It Get Away
It's A Beautiful Day

The S**t Box

As you know I lost my truck the beginning of this month...

Whatever...

Just a possession however school started yesterday and I am in need of a car...

Found one on craigslist for $1200.00...

An older Kia with a bazillion miles on it but I just need something to get from point A to point B...

Set up an appointment and secured the cash from a family friend...

Went today to check it out...

I went with no expectations and that is what I got...

Had a friend who is a mechanic meet me so he could look it over and make sure I wasn't being suckered...

The pictures posted on craigslist didn't do the car justice...

In the pictures, the car looks almost pristine - no visible dents, no peeling paint etc...

In person it looks like it has been used as a test car in those commercials you see with the dummies in the car...

The paint is flying off if the wind blows hard...

Both sides of the car are dented beyond explanation, there is no radio (just a hole and wires where the stereo used to be), (that means no music for me and you know how I feel about that) one of the tires is as bald as an eagle (the other 3 look new), there are 2 cracks in the windshield from the top all the way to the bottom, the right side spray thingy (that shoots windshield fluid out) is missing...

The interior seats are just gross...

I am talking ICK and I wouldn't want to shine a blacklight in there for fear of what may be hiding...

So my mechanic friend said no more then $600.00 (and he would fix the major issues with it)...

Deal says the guy (well $650.00 was the deal) and signed the title over to me...

Friend says to drive it back carefully to his shop and he would get started on it...

So I am now the proud owner of a S**t Box (as my friend described it to a guy at his shop)...

As I drove back carefully, I went to roll the window down (ac works great - bonus!) and it is one of those handle things (I am used to electric), so I roll it down a bit (I smoke - don't judge) and once I am done, I went to roll the window back up and the whole handle came off into my hand...

I love being me :)

DAUGHTRY
You'd Think That I'd Learn My Lesson By Now
You'd Think That I'd Somehow Figure Out
That If You Strike That Match
You're Bound To Feel The Flame